Friday, April 2, 2010

A Day of Reverence

I am feeling very bitter right this moment, and it's quickly sweeping into my entire being. I feel anxious, a little angry, and really just out of sorts. Did I mention that I quit smoking on Monday? So it's been 5 days. And it honestly hasn't bothered me much, until today. Why today? Why on this day that is not about me? This is the day I've been preparing for all week. Yes, Sunday will be a day of celebration. But today was to be a day for contemplation and reverence for my Savior and Father. I've questioned all week whether today should be a dark day or not. And I didn't feel it should. A day to remember what Yeshua did for us, yes. A day to praise Our Heavenly Father for the sacrifice He made on my behalf, yes. But dark, no. This day had to be just as it was. In order for Sunday to come, we must first get through Friday.

Although it is not dark, it does sadden me to think of what my Father & Savior must have been experiencing. Let those things that break His heart break mine also. It breaks my heart to think of God forming in the womb Pilate's soldier that would drive the spear into Yeshua's side. To know that His own child would refuse Him in such a way, not only refusing to see who He was, but to hold such fear in his heart to be capable of such a moment, must have broken my Father's heart. Carefully creating the hands that would place the crown of thorns on His Son's head, that could only be a time for tears. Father you shaped the very hearts of the men who would drive the nails through His precious hands and feet into the wood that came from a tree you gave seed to.

But there is such beauty to be seen here. Yeshua you knew. Father you prepared the way. As you knelt together in the garden of Gethsemane, you knew what they would do to You. You knew that You would die to save us sinners. But then, You always did seek out the sinners, not the one's who already knew of Your love. It's always been the sinners that needed You. And that is why You've allowed this day. That the rest of Your children be brought back to You. That we might live again in You. That was Your will Father.

It was also Your will to cleanse us, help us die to our own sins. Oh that I should be able to die to my sins as you did Yeshua. And there is the beauty. You did die for my sins. You accepted torture and death because You are love. Only love in it's purest form is capable of enduring what You did. And You speak that love into me with every breathe I am given. That I cannot forget my sins and die to them is of my own doing and this world's doing. The day You carried Your own cross to the hill on Calvary You took my sin with you. It is washed from my being by the blood that You shed at the hands of those You died to save. For me to hold on to those sins and allow them roots in my life is not honoring your choice to suffer death for me. That I may live. And be love.

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