Friday, October 22, 2010
My love for my children abounds. Finally. The truth of my love for these two beings who came from my very own womb is finally being discovered and embraced. This is not to say I haven't always loved them, because I did...to the best of my ability to love. But we aren't fully capable of loving others until we know the love of God. And I do. And His love goes forth from my healing heart, flowing into those who I've desired to love for so long, but wasn't able to, fully. To truly love another being with the love that is given to you by our Father will change your soul in the exact way it's meant to. And a mother's love for her littles is nothing short of God's truest intention for love.
But while this love for our offspring is beautiful and overwhelming and staggering, it can also bring fear and guilt that will literally stop your heart. The opening and healing of your heart allows you to see beyond yourself and sometimes that can be somewhat devastating...to see the damage you've done, the pain you've heaped, the brokeness you've passed along...to those dearest to your heart. And while feeling God's love opens you to love, it also opens you to much deeper feelings of the entire range He gave us to feel. And feeling true despair over the damage done to your very own innocent children, well that's something that could push you right over the edge.
Don't jump yet though, because it is at that very edge where God comes in and holds our hand, standing next to us, and asks you to trust Him even further. It is here where you can see His love for them...just as He loves you and has healed you...He is capable of healing them. But He had to do His work in you first ~ breaking that generational sin (Can I get a Hallelujah!!!).
And now He will guide me to shower the love over those littles that they have been deserving since they were thought into creation. Can I just tell you how I plan to rock out loving them? This love will know no bounds and will be shown in every way possible, and in some ways not known to be possible. Look out my little ones ~ this Mommas heart is ready to be shared and will infuse itself to yours, so that you WILL know the love of God and the life that He has designed just for YOU! You will be shown the truth of how perfectly fantastic you are and all of the wonderfulness that exists within you, this I promise my son and daughter. This I promise. We will walk this Earth together, hand in hand, knowing the amazingness of what He has created in each of us and the goodness He has in store for us. I can feel the love swirling and Daddy is whispering that this is what He has intended all along...and it's going to be ok. We are all just as He intended. Step off that ledge and let's fly together dear ones!
Mmm, I love how He loves us and that I can freely and without reserve entrust the lives of my children to Him and know that His plans for them far exceed any wild-haired idea I may wish for their lives. It is through Him that we each will heal and go out into the world and breathe His love and life. As lights on a hill that cannot and will not be hidden. We're going to shine baby, shine!!!
And on that note, I have to share a post that encourages me and reminds me to live out Shakespeare's words of "To Thine Own Self Be True" ~ know who God has created in you and embrace that being. I can't wait to show my littles how to rock out who they are because I think they are amazing and the world wouldn't be the same without their precious souls! You can read that post here (and yes I definitely stole the next song from her blog, but I'm sure she won't mind because she rocks like that and would appreciate me sharing an awesome song with all of you!)
I want to leave you with these thoughts my lovelies ~ whether it be your children, your parents, your brother or sister, your friend, your neighbor, or the lonely soul you pass on the street, or even the lonely soul you may see in the mirror when you dare to look ~ LOVE THESE PEOPLE!!! Please, find some way to love these people. Whether it be a huge abounding love or a small gesture that says you care ~ find a way to intentionally love someone this weekend, if only because our Father loves you!!! It is only through the lifting of my sisters in Christ that I am able to share these words with you this morning ~ and now I will give back. Please do the same!
Ok, so much love coming at all of you this beautiful fall God-inspired day! Hugs, kisses and all that jazz from a girl who just loves to love!!! Have a beautiful and glorious weekend my dears ~ you are very loved! Check ya later skaters!!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Hmmm, where to even begin. Can it possibly be written? I've asked before, but are there words that properly match the voice of our hearts? And even if there are, do they come anywhere close to expressing His love? My guess is no because at this point all I can do is hope my heart doesn't explode with His love. So, here's to hoping because I have been waiting to write this for two days now and I can only imagine what the recounting will do to strengthen further what He has done in this soul and many others over the past 4 days. Even as I begin to conjure up the ways to tell it, He is loving all over me and I could die today knowing He is for me...and you...and His love is ALL that matters. Not one other thing or person or being comes close to His love. I truly now grasp the meaning of the word GENUINE. His love for us is absolutely GENUINE and perfect and all-encompassing.
I think the best way for me to share the events of the past few days would be in the form of a letter to the orchestrator of these grace-filled days. So, here we go!
My Dearest Abba Father,
My heart overflows, and you know this. What you have completed in me in one weekend has brought together 31 years of life and given those years purpose. I realize now that this is what I have been missing all this time ~ completely knowing and accepting your love. Not that your love has changed, but my heart is now restored to you and can fully feel your love, truly and overwhelmingly. I've said for years that my strength is rising as I wait on you, but I never realized it could be like this. That it's not about strength or anything I do. It is about letting your love flow through me in a way that shines for others to see and glorifies you all at the same time. I am a conduit for your love, which once understood and felt, flows out naturally into the world. How could it not? For surely I cannot possibly contain this awesome and amazing grace you have opened my heart to.
I see now that you had to spend the last several years gently picking up the broken pieces of this heart and discarding them. Those pieces were never meant to be there, but were heaped onto this heart by the brokenness of this world. And by your grace, I have taken those pieces and died to them, once and for all. They are no longer a part of my being, although you've allowed the memories to remain, lest it not be forgotten exactly what has been done with this life. Because that is how others will be helped to heal, just by simply hearing the amazing story you have made this life into. Your beauty eclipses all of the brokenness in one shining light.
This weekend a group of your children gathered in order to learn how to better rest in you. And that took on many forms and shapes just like anything good you give because of the perfect diversity you have created in each of our stories. And when we are all brought together in this way, it shines of your love! Laughter is felt, tears are shed, hands are held, hearts are molded, spirits are united, love is given and love is received, and you are at the very center of it all. It is so clear that every word spoken was ordained directly from your love for us. In order to break us even further, until we finally give in to your relentless pursuit, once and for all, realizing this is the moment you've been waiting for...for us to surrender completely and absolutely to your ways, so you can breathe the new life you so desire and seal yourself in our beings. Thank you for not relenting Father!
Bringing me to my knees, you showed me my old self, lying lifeless at the foot of the cross, distorted and broken. You held me as I wept over that life because that life was full of striving and a desire to be good, but it was a life of this world. After wracking sobs were wrenched from my gut to pay proper homage for this girl who had gotten so very lost, I was able to hear you say "it's ok to walk away...come with me now and I will show you the way." Your voice, Father, is clearly the reason angels sing.
I then watched as a small child with beautiful blonde locks and innocent, lovely blue eyes emerged from that broken and lifeless body to turn and run into your arms. Your embrace over her was endearing and freeing in a way that finally allows me to call you Daddy...something I've longed for in the depths of my soul. A redeeming Father who has the ability to restore the lost child. It was then that the beautiful momma you've placed at my side voiced all that you were showing me in my heart, confirming your visions and whispers over my life.
And from this brief moment in time ~ a mere 24 hours ~ healing flowed over your children who lavished love over one another, sharing and singing and holding and resting. Finally resting in the truth of your love and your peace and joy, resting in your essence and gifts and sovereignty, in the ability to properly worship you. Relinquishing control. Fully resting in you.
Papa, to say that you have restored my heart wouldn't even begin to explain your work. This heart is the heart you gave me when you first conceived the thought of me. This heart came directly from a piece of your own and I quiver at the thought of a heart shared with your mightiness. That I might be worthy to share this love you are showering over me. But I am worthy. You have fully equipped me to step into this new life and be the person you've been speaking to for quite some time now. My gratefulness is unutterable, but I know you hear the shouting of my heart in it's rejoicing and love for you. And the more you show me as a child, running in fields with you and finally reaching out for all that you have waiting, the more my heart beats in rhythm with yours. May they beat as one forever and ever.
It is in your beautiful son's name that I am able to sing these praises to you. It is in his name that I exist. Amen Daddy, Amen.
Friday, October 8, 2010
I haven't written lately because I fear that what I am saying isn't truth, that I am a hypocrite because I'm not exactly living what I speak. But as my kindred-spirit pointed out ~ our words have power and we must speak good into our lives. So, even if I'm not quite there yet, it's ok, because I'm proclaiming where I am headed. And every time I speak those words...that truth attaches itself to my soul and impacts my decisions, good or bad, in the future. So I am slowly, intentionally closing the gap between where I am and where God wants me. Boy is that a process! But looking back, I can't imagine if my steps hadn't taken the exact path they have..so I will continue to step forward, shakily but led by faith and a love for my Father! I will float on His love and let Him carry me.
God has also been helping me to just remain still and get quiet. Have you been still lately? Have you paid attention to that which flows from your mouth? If so ~ rock on! If not, I would encourage you to take a listen...to yourself. Is what flows coming from the heart? Can you listen without having to speak? Can you just be, without having to affirm that you are right or good or justified...just be? Can you float through your day, knowing you are loved?
Are you looking for the lovely in others? I was directed to do this for the next week by a woman who is trying to help me restore my marriage ~ God Bless Her (no really, God please Bless Her!). Our natural inclination is to focus on that which is wrong or lacking or negative, especially in others. Change your mind. Thinking on that which is lovely about my husband is much more uplifting than focusing on all that is wrong. And it allows me to be the obedient wife, regardless of what he does because I know that ultimately he is lovely and exactly who God created him to be ~ my husband. So while we both continue to mess up and fumble through this marriage that God has called us to (very clearly and loudly He called, I might add), I can see much brighter glimpses of the people that God is unveiling as He slowly and delicately works out the good for us, individually and as husband and wife. Rock on God, rock on! Help us float closer and closer!
Even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on alright, of this I'm becoming more and more sure. God is always here, with us, lifting us, guiding us, loving us. I'm preparing to go away with my church for the weekend to learn how to rest in Him and I really just feel the need to float on, trusting Him and allowing Him to carry me, no matter what. Sorry for the mad rambling and run-on sentences, but I'm choosing to let Him do the speaking and this is one of the awesome ways He works in me ~ rambling and bits and pieces that when strung together as a whole ~ He can be heard saying "Float on with me today Alicia!"
Alright then Daddy-O, let's float! Here's to all of you reading this ~ go get still, speak your truth, and look for the lovely...it's there, in abundance, I promise! Love you much and hoping you all take some time to float on His love this beautiful weekend! XOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!