Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Who Am I?

Who Am I Father that you might call me your child? That you might love me in ways that are indescribable to those who do not know You. My limited brain struggles here to find words to accurately portray your insanely overwhelming goodness and love. Love is a four letter word that is so over-used but under-meant. And honestly, even when meant, I don't think this four letter word even begins to do justice to the grace you have showered over me, in ways I didn't know to be possible. So for now I will stick with what I can put words to, and that is the peace and purity you have instilled in my heart. Father you are with me at all times now, your Holy Spirit has me shouting ABBA, with such joy and elation, and Yeshua, your gentleness and calmness sweep through my soul and all I can do is smile and tenderly touch my cheek, knowing you feel me. I have this crazy ability to actually feel my heart..this beating, living vitality within my chest. Pappa you shaped this integral part of me, making it durable and moldable and elastic and strong and able to accept and able to give and able to feel...perfection.

For so many years, 31 to be exact, I didn't know this heart. I didn't want to go there, for fear it might crumble from all of the brokeness. To have spent all of this time in a body as exquisite as this one (and no, I am not referring to my thighs, because girlfriend ~ they need help!), but a body so expertly crafted, and to now be discovering it for the first time, I am in awe. I watch my fingers as they type, so effortlessly, as though they already know before I think this, what they are to type. And the eyes I am seeing them through ~ the eyes that allow me to see others while also allowing others to see my soul. Unbelieveably beautiful sounds wafte through the air into my being ~ causing me to just have to move this body. Toes, my ten little piggies. A tongue that holds the power to kill but also give life ~ depending on it's coordination with my heart and my mind. This mind, which used to be so painfully full of darkness but now sees pure beauty and makes this writing capable. What amazing treasures you have stowed here in your vessel Father.

What Am I that I might be called your child ~ that you love me so much to give me all of this wonderfulness. And as if that weren't enough, You come and live here with me in this creation, Your creation. That You might continue to mold me and hold me and be one with me. You have written love all over my being ~ and have made me in your image ~ I am your child, I am beautiful and I am love, just by being.

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