Tuesday, April 27, 2010


“Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” ~Mark Twain

I struggle to trust. I resist believing that it will all be ok. I know what I know, yet I fear. I worry to the depths of my soul. Yet I know my Father, my Papa. I know my Savior, my Yeshua. I know my awesome Holy Spirit. I know that I am loved and cared for. I feel that love, and I know that these 3 are with me always. So why? Why do I doubt? Why can’t I just let go and trust…believe? Why do I fear? I know why I doubt and why I fear~ it is really provision that I am wrestling with today.

I have struggled financially my entire life. From the time I was a little girl, there has just never been enough. Enough to have the headband that I so desperately wanted and could not understand why my Mom couldn’t buy it for my little girl heart. Enough to have the nice things that my friends had. Enough so that constant worry was not etched on my mother’s face. Enough so that I didn’t have to start working when I was 11. Enough to go to college without accruing insurmountable student loans. Enough to go on a honeymoon and celebrate my marriage. Enough for a home of my own. Enough to pay my bills, on-time…or at all. Enough to provide groceries for my children. Enough to buy basic necessities for my children, let alone what they truly desire. Enough to give freely in the way I desire. Enough to simply breathe and enjoy life. Enough…

You may think I am whining or complaining here, but please know that is not my intention. Understand that I must dive into this fear because it keeps me separated from Him. It keeps me from believing, from trusting, from true freedom, from living as my Creator intends for me to live. Eleanor Roosevelt said it well when she stated, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” So today I am choosing to face this fear of lack that has been a constant in my life since birth, because my Father is not lacking. He is abundant and overflowing. So let’s change this heart and this mind to be in accordance with His ways and His promises, rather than those ways ingrained by this world.

Looking back as an adult, I can see the many blessings showered over me throughout this walk. I definitely see much more now, from this perspective, than I did when I was being given those blessings. When I didn’t appreciate those blessings for what they were, or thank Him for His grace, or even be a good steward over what I was given. My mind has always been set on what I don’t have, knowing within the things I would never have. So is it possible that my Father is truly blessing me now, in my lack, but I can’t see it for the blessing it is. I look at my situation as lacking, but am I not so much better off than most? And is He using this lack to teach me that it is actually not lack at all, but a time to see only Him, and not desire the things of this world? Has He been prodding me all along to turn to Him for my needs, rather than others who walk here with me, also lacking? That He has allowed me to get to where I am so there is nowhere else to look but at Him? That I learn to stop worrying over things that are not important, and find peace in Him and trust Him. That lack is a word created by humans, and does not fit His ways. A shift of mind and heart is definitely needed here, a shift that dispels fear and replaces it with believing .

Fear is a verb ~ it is something you DO. It is not passive. It can be defined as: To feel a painful apprehension of; to be afraid of; to consider or expect with emotion of alarm or solicitude.

I fear that my bills will not be paid. I fear that I will never be secure and comfortable financially. I fear that my debt will consume me. I fear that my children and I will not be provided for. I fear that there will not be enough.

Believe is also a verb ~ it too is something you DO. It is not passive. It is defined as: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so. Trust is also a verb and can be defined as: to believe.

I think most of us are can agree that I cannot possibly accomplish both of these at the same time, fear and believe. I cannot fear lack, while also believing that God is providing. It is one or the other. I can choose fear or I can believe, but not both. So then I must turn to my life water, His word. What does He say about this? Does He say “Fear my child, I will cause you to suffer?” Does He say, “I will not provide for your life here ~ I dress the lillies of the valley better than you and care more for them who are here today, gone tomorrow?”

NO!!!! He does not say that. He says the complete opposite!!!

He says in Matthew 7:7 - 11, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 1Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

He says, “All things are possible to him who believes” (Mark 9:23 NKJV).

He says, "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone" (Ephesians 1:11-12 MSG).

He says,'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' (Matthew 25:21).

He says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your
paths.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

He says, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

He says, “DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD, AND HE SHALL GIVE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37: 4~5

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life [a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ~ Luke 12:22 - 32

I will no longer continue down this path of disbelief. I dispel my fears right here, right now. They no longer have any place in this life that I am creating through the ways of my Father. My action is to believe. I believe that my Father is providing abundantly for the needs of myself and my children, in full to overflowing. You know my needs Papa, and only You can meet them. Thank you Father for the wisdom and Words You have shown me here. Please Father, mold me into a good steward over your blessings, which you are reigning down on me and mine. My bills are paid, my bank account is rising, and I am climbing out of debt. My children and I find our value in You and not in this world. I am doing good with all that You give me, helping those in need with my time and Your provisions. I am sowing into Your Kingdom because I cherish Your ways, not because I have to. Write this on my heart Dear Lord and bring it to pass. I release my fears and replace them with Your provisions. Please forgive me for not trusting You and believing that Your love for me will conquer all. You are the almighty, perfect provider and I can only be sustained through You. Thank you Father, Your love and ways are absolute as always. In Yeshua's name I pray, Amen.

Nothing you would take...Everything you gave. Hhhhmmmm...Plenty!!!

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