Friday, May 7, 2010

No Words For Now

I've been fumbling all morning with the perfect way to give proper accolade to the events that transpired last night. And still here I sit, tongue-tied and groping for the language needed to give Him the praise He deserves. All I can conjur so far is..."Thank You Father... for loving me and McKenzie and Patrick in a way that is perfect and indescribable." But it needs to be written and shared and captured and remembered. The way God worked in my life last night has the power to change did mine.

From yesterday's post you may know that this week has been a struggle on so many levels for me and my two children. But I knew God was bringing us to it, and that He would carry us through it. I just didn't know how, hence the struggle. But through recent events, I realize that is not for me to question any more. Questioning the how is ultimately what leads to me question Him, and that is not something I want to do any longer. If someone asked me yesterday if I thought God would do what He did last night, I would have said, "Yeah, it's possible, but I don't think so." And why is that? I am His daughter and He doesn't fit one bit of the mold I try to put Him in when I think of a father. My views of a father are based on wordly things and experience ~ they know nothing of the greatness of MY FATHER! The two don't even come close. He is infinitely lovelier than I am capable of comprehending. And His love for me is deeper than any depth I can grasp.

Even as I type this, His goodness abounds and keeps catching me by surprise. I wasn't prepared for this day Lord. My heart feels as though it may burst, when yesterday it hurt so badly and my emotions were not in line with your ways. Yet does one write in words what the heart is saying???

Ok, I'm just going to write it, using the words I know. It may not be perfection, and it may not completely capture what God did, but that is ok as it is written on my heart forever and ever. So last night, at Elijah House, our leader made an announcement to everyone, letting them know that my children and I were struggling. That was not an easy moment for me, by any means. Not because I felt shame, I just didn't want this to be my reality. And I struggled to the very depths of my soul with the idea of questioning Him.

Wow, so I am going to write more later on, because even as we speak He is showering blessings over me, all day today and I seriously need some time to soak it up and absorb what is happening, before I can properly write about it. But know that my electric bill was paid this morning, as will several other bills be paid also. I have been contacted by several sisters and brothers of the church, and they all want to help. A letter was written that speaks of my life. I spoke with my husband in a way that was somehow softer and more real than it's ever been. And my children, those crazy precious souls, saw what it means to allow God to provide for us and to lean not on our own understanding, but turn to HIm for everything. What has transpired here has truly changed my heart and my soul, and I am so glad it has. To be continued later, but for now ~ embrace all of the mothers you know and show them love ~ they deserve it so very much! Every day, but especially this weekend ~ we warrant a celebration! And have a beautiful weekend, knowing that you are loved by our Father, in ways that you can't imagine!!! Much love to all of you, my angels here on Earth!

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