Thursday, June 3, 2010
Dear God ~ I Heart You
So this is how I first started this post:
"Hi there ~ sorry for the long, drawn-out pause between posts. But to be honest, I've been a bit despondent of late, and feeling blah and not so inspired to write."
As I typed the last word God said uh uh ~ no no! I received an e-mail at that moment and opened it, and saw my Savior. A picture so vivid was drawn that I could feel His presence, sense His love for me ~ overflowing, in abundance, to the full. You're so funny Yeshua, how you work in these ways. The entire hour of my commute this morning was consumed with trying to "pep up", trying to re-connect to my heart and my Father. I listened to the music, I thought the thoughts, I inspected my heart... but yet I couldn't convince myself that He was there. Even though my mind knew differently ~ I know what I know what I know! And I knew He was there ~ I just couldn't feel Him. I blamed this despondency on my lack of turning to Him over the past two weeks or so. I talk to Him, but I haven't been doing the digging. I haven't been immersing myself in His Word or His ways. I haven't gone to church. I've been lax in my relationship with the most important being in my life ~ the very creator of my life. Don't misunderstand me ~ my faith is still as set as it was the day it became set, but I think I got comfortable in that. I knew God is here, and really, did I need to read the Bible today? He knows my heart anyway, whether I tell Him or not, right? I can slip by, not do the work, but know that I am saved and it's ok.
That's NOT the point (insert stern voice here!)! Yes, He knows all ~ BUT, and it's a big old BUT, He desires constant relationship with us. He wants ALL of it ~ He wants ALL of us ~ and He wants us to bring it to Him, every moment of every day. And He wants us to know His word, that we might abide by it and walk in the ways He has so gracefully laid before us. It can't be one-sided, where we just live comfortably in the knowledge that "hey, we're good ~ God's got our backs", but don't actively pursue a relationship with Him. I mean, I guess many can and do survive this way. But I am in this to dig as deeply as possible into His depths and His love. I don't want to be complacent or comfortable! I don't want to merely survive! Yeshua came that I might have life and have it to the full! Not so I can barely eek out an existence, "make it through" each day. HELL NO! That is stuff of the devil & his ways! That is not God's purpose for me! He wants me to have joy and peace and love, eternal yes ~ but also here and now! If I am simply moving through the days, blah, blah, blah ~ who am I reaching for my Father? Who is seeing my light and being drawn to it? Who is walking by me that truly needs Christ, but I am busy being blah? Blah is no way to exist, and it's definitely not the way God really wants it.
I have realized over the past several weeks that my heart is so much cleaner than it's ever been, and I am seeing people and events and situations from such a different perspective. I am seeing people through the eyes of love, and my anger and injustice and judgment at this world is quickly disappearing ~ that's awesome progress baby! And I need to look at how far I've come, not always at where I haven't yet reached. I am changed and my love is true ~ it's not perfect or constant (especially in moments of blah!), but it is so much truer than it's ever been. So I'm celebrating that today! And I'm celebrating my recognition of blah in my life ~ you can't overcome or get rid of something until you acknowledge it's existence!
So, while I started this post as a complaint and a "just being honest" session ~ I can now see that's not what I'm called to do! I have a calling on my life ~ to be a light to all, to lift, to inspire, to show God to those who are lost. And me being blah doesn't accomplish any of that. And really, why wouldn't I want to read the Bible every day ~ it's so encouraging and guiding and pure and true. And praying ~ my favorite moments are when I am engulfed by the Holy Spirit and loved on like never before. So adios laziness ~ there's no more room here for you ~ kindly take your leave! And Blah ~ you can go with him! I've got a higher purpose here!
Ephesians 2:22 ~ And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.
MMMhhhh, thank you Father for the renewing of my mind and my heart. I love your ways so deeply, and even more so, I love the way you help bring me back to them, quicker and quicker every time! I choose life ~ and I choose you! I choose to walk in your ways and read your Words ~ infusing them into the deepest marrow within my body, that they might integrate themselves fully into every inch of my being. That they reside constantly on my tongue for those who need them even more than I do. I desperately desire to spend time just being, knowing you've given me these precious moments to simply exist in your love. I love knowing every second of every day is yours ~ and that you are mine, that your love is unending ~ like the ocean ~ I can see the beginnings of your love but not the end! YES, thank you Father...thank you! All in Yeshua's name ~ Amen!
Mmmm ~ go get lost in Ephesians for a while ~ I just did and it was pure loveliness! His ways...well, go find out for yourself! Loving all over you!