Getting Clearer..Sort Of

So, reviewing the past year yesterday has left me feeling very blessed. Really amazed to be honest. Like, Wow GOD! You ROCK! Never in my life would I have thought one year ago that I would be where I am today. It's miraculous if you ask me. And such evident proof of our Living and Holy Father Above. I remember singing the song Amazing Grace over and over, more than a year ago, and praying with all of my heart that You would please haste the day that my faith would be set. And here I am today, my faith having grown into a way of life. That talking to you all day long is now just what I do. That my immediate reaction to most questions is "What do you think Lord?" or I need to pray about this. That righteousness is no longer something I scoff at, but now seek. That I no longer feel as though I am shrouded in darkness and unable to participate in life. That I have seen His hand ALL OVER MY LIFE ~ knowing now that He's always been there, even when I refused to recognize Him.


In looking back, I can't help but also think of all the times that I worried...and all the times He provided. Not once did my worry change an ounce of what was occurring, except to detract my attention from Him. Worry is a natural instinct for me ~ as is constantly feeling and seeing lack. I've tossed this around before by writing about it, and I don't wish to dwell. But I feel as though to think of only the good might diminish the bad that I've overcome. And as I type this I realize this entire paragraph is bologne! There's still bad. But that's ok. I am a life in progress. And at the very least I can take solace in knowing that this life is one that is being examined. That while I may not be happy with all that I am currently ~ "I" am a fluid concept of late, and I would so prefer this to my stagnant ways of the past. I truly lived Einstein's definition of insanity for wayyyy too long, and I have no desire to go back.



Looking at what I just wrote I am actually very pleased. All in the matter of two paragraphs I was able to love how far I've come while also embracing where I've been, where I am today, and while being honest that it's not all roses! That's a beautiful thing my dears! And some of you may be reading this and wondering what the heck I'm talking about. But I know there are a few of you who get it. You get that I am coming to terms with my life. Realizing the blessings that abound and making peace with a past that is sordid to say the least. Seeing life with new eyes and still adjusting the lens because it feels oh so right and oh so wrong all at once. My steps are becoming steadier, my footing surer. Grounding myself in God is the only way I know that my path is straight. And this thinking and writing is all a result of a desire to straighten my path even further. To not waste one more second with a life unlived. So forgive my rambling and my grasping and my stumbling. It's just how I figure out how to walk forward in a way that won't leave me looking back.


There are 365 days spread out before me that each deserve the attention that I've so lavishly given to my past, because that's where I've always lived. So what to do with these days ahead. Who will I become within another year? Where will I go? Who will I meet? How much deeper will my heart grow? And what must I do to ensure that I become even more of who I am? That I go where He leads me? That I meet those I am meant to meet? That I come to know the way this heart was created to beat?


One of my favorite bloggers names her years and I LOVE the idea. You can read her post here. I've been trying for months to think of what I will name 2011. What will this year blossom into? What will it create in me? How will it grow me? Time is so very precious and I don't wish to waste any of it. I love her idea of living in the present and being aware of each moment. But I can't steal it. And I don't want to steal it. I am so tired of looking at Facebook and other blogs and thinking "I wish I had that" or "I wish I were skinny like her", or even "I wish God would give me the ideas she has". I am enough. My Father provides and He is more than enough. He made me to be me ~ and there's only one like me. So I need to embrace me even further, knowing it's the right thing to love myself and who God is making me to be. Because out of that love that I've already learned to receive from Him ~ if I can get to a point of truly loving myself ~ well I say look out world. There will be no stopping this girl who loves to love, but as of now has only timidly reached beyond herself to love others, constantly second guessing the way I am living this life. There's no more room for that here. The old is gone, the new has come, and it's bright on the inside ~ now we need to show it to the outside.





Alicia ~ you are so very lovable and we got this girl! Proclaim the beauty that is within. Proclaim God within you. Let Him shine forth into the darkness. Trust. Love. Be. Be truth. Be His truth. Be. Just as you are meant to ~ BE. I need not do anything. It is not through our own striving that we reach further depths in Christ. It is simply being present in each moment, being true to who you've been created to be, being you. There's only one you.







Holy deepness batman! I need a break after that dooozy! Sorry if I'm leaving you more confused than when you started reading. Amazingly enough ~ I think I understand better what it is I am to do, maybe. Let me give it some time to marinate and I'll let you know. Love ya's!

Another Update (and some Christmas Music for you to enjoy while you read)!!!

Hello everyone, again! I was finally able to get the sizes for some of the people affected by last week's fire, and they are:

June (female): 7-1/2 shoe, Large top, 8/10 bottom
Mai (female): 6-1/2 shoe, medium top, 8/10 bottom
Jose (male) - Medium shirt, 30/32 pant size (waiting on shoe sizes)

June and Mai Chow were roommates!

Now here is the awesome thing I have found out about the company they work for ~ Baker Industries is a second-chance company who also hires people that need help getting on their feet from places like half-way houses, homeless shelters, prison, etc. They help people who really want to change their life and need a hand to do that. Praise God that I am getting to work with them in this way! So - they will take ANY & ALL donations you can make! Whether it be to help the fire victims or their other employees. I was told today that the owner's wife actually recently just set up a small boutique in their warehouse for their employees to come and pick items from, for free! Items such as clothing and household goods! So ~ even if your items don't help the people affected by the fire ~ they will help someone! AWESOME!!

So this is where I encourage you to give whatever you have to give! And they have offered to work with me to pick items up from me because I am so overwhelmed by people who want to help! Can you imagine?? My heart overflows!!! So - let me know if you can drop things off or if you need me to pick them up. Either way ~ YOU ROCK & I LOVE YOU!!!!! May God seriously bless each and every one of you!!!!

Facebook “event” for collecting donated items:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=109842265754568

Facebook “group” more focused on the National Bank of Malvern Fund:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/home.php?sk=group_168321493205976

T. & E. Care website:
http://www.tecare.org/home.html

Update on Donations

Hey all of my giving friends! You are awesome!!! The response to my request to help these people has been overwhelming! I apologize for not getting back to you all yesterday, but I have 2 sick little one's at home! Plus, I still have not received the sizes of clothing/shoes that are needed. The company who is collecting the donations is compiling a list and hopes to get it to me tomorrow at the latest. As soon as I have that information I will be passing it along to everyone!

But, in the meantime - we are taking ALL household items that people would like to give, as there are 4 households that have been left with nothing! So - I can collect those items from you or again, you can drop them off to me. Please bear with me, as I am being contacted by many people and trying to get back to everyone! I love that I am overwhelmed by giving! Couldn't be a more perfect way to ring in the true spirit of this season! So thank all of you precious hearts! If you've contacted me directly but haven't heard back from me - I will be in touch soon! Love you all!!!!

Help Please!!! Donations Needed!!!

Hello to my friends and family! My family and I have been talking seriously about helping a person or family in need this season, and that opportunity has presented itself to us this past week. Wednesday evening as I left work I saw a woman walking up the street and I stopped and asked if she needed a ride. She happily replied yes and got in the car. It was immediately evident that this woman is mentally challenged ~ and very sweet! So she directed me to her home, not more than a few blocks from where I work in Malvern. She lived in an apartment above a rug store. She was very grateful as I dropped her off and I went on my way home.

The next morning I was driving down the same street heading to the bank, and the building where this woman lived was completely charred and burned out. Apparently there was a very bad fire in the building that destroyed all of the apartments and the company below it. I'm not going to lie - my heart stopped when I saw this. Ok God ~ I'm listening! But I didn't even know the woman's name, so after contacting the fire department, police department, and finally the company that employs her, I have more details. Her name, I am told, is Mai Chow, and she has lost everything. All of her clothes and belongings were lost in this fire. As were those of the other 5 residents who lived in the apartments. Mai Chow's only family is a sister whom they have not been able to contact as of this morning. Her and her roommate have been given temporary housing for approximately 2 weeks, but have no clothes, no coat, no shoes, nothing.

So, it is now my very strong intention to help this woman and the others affected by the fire, in any way possible. They are in need of everything! Hence this e-mail to all of the giving souls I know! I am calling for a massive response from all of you wonderful people who love to give ~ and what better time than right now! We all know how cold it is outside, and we all know that there are so many who are less fortunate than we are ~ now we have the opportunity to truly help someone who couldn't need it more. Imagine that you are mentally challenged and were just involved in a fire where people had to be rescued from the roof because the flames were so bad. Imagine that you are left with nothing. Nothing! Now, look around your home and imagine what you could do without. How about that blanket that has been sitting in the closet for a year? And those shoes you haven't worn for 2 years? What's that - you have a set of kitchen utensils you don't use anymore? And the microwave that's sitting in your basement? I am willing to bet that every one of you have at least one item in your home that you could give in order to create a new home for someone who truly needs it. I'm not asking for money, unless you want to give that too. But there is a simple way to help that won't cost you anything.

I am collecting items starting right now. I will come pick them up from you, or you can drop them off to me at my home. Either way, please figure out a way to help these people. I will remain in contact with Mai Chow's employer, as they have set up a person to coordinate all donations for the people affected. They are also reaching out to find permanent homes for Mai Chow and her roommate. So please - take a minute to think of one thing you could donate. And pass this e-mail on to anyone you can think of that would be willing to help. I know what awesome friends and family I have, and I wouldn't ask for your help if it weren't necessary. But this is a fantastic opportunity to see the true meaning of Christmas come to life ~ so join me and let's reach one of the hurting!


Ok, you can e-mail me or call me at (484)798-4078 to make arrangements. I really appreciate your help and your response here. And you can read about the fire on the front cover of today's Daily Local News, or here:



I love you all very much and am grateful already for the outpouring of love that I see happening for this precious soul named Mai Chow. HUGS!!!!

Alicia

Where Are You Looking?

Why do we look everywhere else for the comforting of our souls? Why is it our natural reaction to search elsewhere? We wait for a glance from "that" man, to say it's ok ~ you are loved. We seek the affection that we just know will fill our needs which seem to strangle us with every breath. We base our self-worth on what others say, even though we know that others view us through their own barrage of self-doubt. We are so eager to play the victim because then we have a reason. Why do we so easily give away that which He holds dearest?

These are my thoughts of late. I am becoming ever~more aware of just how often I turn away from Him to find the satisfaction of my soul. But it ain't workin!!! While I don't necessarily understand why I do this, I am seeing how painfully obvious it is that it does not work! There is not one example I can give you to support looking to others, or even ourselves, for the desires of our heart. That's because ultimately we are designed to need and receive this from one source only. Only ONE is capable of truly loving and satisfying our souls in the ways we were created to need. Pretty smart dear Father! Pretty smart! You got that one right on! It's masterful when you consider the depth to this one single design that rules the majority of our behavior. He created us to need Him. That nothing else shall satisfy the deepest cravings of our souls. Nothing.



And I'll bet that many of you know this. I know this. I KNOW THIS! Yet, there I go...looking to my husband...looking to my children...looking to the stranger I pass on the street...looking to myself. We need validation. We need to know we are loved. We need to know we matter. From what I witness daily, I can comfortably, and sadly, conclude that everyone is searching for this. All of the people in your life need these same things. Not only do they need it, but we go to great lengths of destroying ourselves to capture love and validation from others. If you look very closely, you can see lost souls walking around everywhere, asking "Do I matter?" So tell me this dear one ~ do you think they are capable of giving it to you? How would they possibly be able to provide you with something they can't grasp for themselves? And even if they could, would it truly satisfy? I think not. I know not. In my heart, I know not.


God is the only true lover of our souls. He who created the heavens and the earth, and everything in between, created our souls to crave Him. It is truth. It is inescapable. It will remain this way regardless of our attempts to look elsewhere. Only He can satisfy because only He knows the depths of our beings. While some of you may think, "Oh great, one more thing I'm doing wrong!", let me put a spin on this that may comfort. He designed us to need that which there is a solution for. Take a minute with that one because He just smacked me over the heart with it too! Let's say it again...He designed us to need that which there is a solution for. He's already provided the answer to our soul searching ways. HE IS THE ANSWER! Aaahhhhh! Do you get it? We are all searching so desperately, scouring the earth, to know that we matter. But it is all for naught. We have the ability to go straight to the source! And I will stake my life that He will tell you that you matter. HE CREATED YOU! OF COURSE YOU MATTER!!! You matter. The author of every life thinks YOU matter. He who orchestrates the rising of the sun and moon every day. He who created vast oceans and delicate flowers and sheer beauty. He thinks your life was worthy of creating ~ and He already knows all the ways you'll screw it up! But you were still worth creating. He loves you that much!!!!!!

I matter.
I am loved.
I breathe because I was created.
I was created because I am loved.


Do you know these things too? Is your soul resonating with what I'm speaking? Regardless of how many years you have searched elsewhere ~ I'm guessing that you just heard the truth and you know it with every ounce of your being. As much as you may want to cling to the idea that you are not loveable or loved ~ God just came in and did what He does. He spoke truth into your heart. Truth that you are absolutely lovely ~ we all are. We all matter!!!!!!




Oh Father ~ that the depth of what you just spoke into my being will ring true for eternity. That I might know this as truth over that which I have falsely held as truth in my soul. I matter. I am loved. I am lovely. Lord I shall not question your design in me. I trust that your purpose for me existing is greater than any validation I might receive from elsewhere. There are no words to express what you've just infused into my heart. How could I possibly doubt what you have spoken here? There is no sufficient praise to thank you for your mercy, your grace, and your love. How perfect your ways. Let me forever look to you and know that I am love. Thank you sweet Papa. Thank you.

Go on and be blessed please. Turn to Him ~ the true lover of our souls ~ and know that you are loved. No matter what, you matter. So much love to all who read this! May your hearts understand the magnitude of His design. You are His design and for that alone I love you. Huge hugs!!!!