I sat with my daughter in my arms tonight as she whispered the words "My heart is broken Mommy." How does a mother endure such a statement from a piece of herself? Especially when, looking into the sadness, she sees herself. Same sad eyes..same sad tears...same reasons for the sadness. Did my mother ache like this at my tears? Did she wish to give anything just to be able to take away that pain. I am sure my mother's heart broke several times through the course of raising 3 children, and I know mine will break too. But is it possible for something that is already broken to continue to break? And what is this cycle that is being repeated in my young daughter Lord? Why am I dealing with my own pain while simultaneously watching her endure the same? How am I to do this Lord? How? How is it that the source of her pain is the same source of my own pain. She misses her father, and I know that deep, aching void that is left when a parent is absent. Especially a daughter's loss of a father...that special, God-made bond that I still ache over today, thirty years later.
So what are we to do, how do I fix something in her that I haven't been able to heal within myself? Lord I know you have a plan and you know what is to come. So we turn to you Father...our Father. I cling with every ounce of my strength to the belief that she will heal much faster than I, for she has YOU to turn to in this difficult time. I did not and I know my life would be different if I had turned to you much sooner. So is that Your grace here...to see your ability to heal my precious one, and in turn myself? I rest in the knowledge that we both have a Father who loves us and will never leave us, and that I can teach her of your love. There it is ~ a little bit of light shed on the darkness. I thank you Father and know you hold us both tonight, you heal us both!